Heart ache... Was it worth it?

I've been reading old blog entries from before the horrific heartbreak and it's like a different person..... Reading my happy words is like twisting the knife in that little bit more. Being single is great until you remember the reason your heart is smashed into pieces and you're struggling to find the energy to get out of bed and do the mundane tasks that the world tells you have to do. 

So watching Netflix all weekend and not seeing friends is easier than facing people and pretending you're ok. 

Pretending you're ok is a coping technique, that I think I've perfected this year and most people are fooled... 

As there is only so many times you can send the same heartbreaking message to your loyal friends and only so many times they can tell you it's all going to be ok and only so many times you can pretend you believe them. 

In times like this I look to my friend who is my biggest hero and I'm so so so so proud of her! People keep shooting her down and she gets back up every single time and it's hard not to look at her in awe and envy of the person her heart breaks have made her become, which is a strong, resilient and amazingly talented woman who I'm proud to call my friend! (It doesn't help she is insanely beautiful too, some women just get it all) 

So yeah being single is great... Being in relationships are great... Fuck it they are amazing when you're in the bubble. 

I loved our little Kill/Gray Union.... But at the end of the day when someone holds your happiness in their hands and can destroy it with a shake.... You have to ask yourself... 

Was it worth it?